Be Nice

I was having a discussion with co-workers about how it seems that mean people always get the upper hand. This may be true in a basic sense but mean people don't have to hurt us. It depends on your understanding of the situation.
Some general traits of a “Mean Person”:

• Attacks you in some form physical or emotional
• Takes something or blocks you from something
• Disregards your point of view
• Disregards your feelings
• Selfish

How To Survive a Mean Person

Self

I have been contemplating the nature of self, my self, for a while now. I just finished listening to a pod cast from The Meeting House about living in the now. Although I understand how that message can be helpful to people, I did disagree with some parts. The main part I  disagree with  is with the Christian view of self.

My view of self started out as, I exist in and of my self. I was born grew and keep growing.- I almost forget how I saw my self as I write this. - I just saw my self as a singular independent creation. Then I discovered mediation.

Meditation clocked me into truths I never noticed before. Truths that can be seen in every moment of life. The more I meditate the more I came to understand my self and how I really am.

The First Truth

I found great interest in world-religions and would regularly read articles and such of different religions. I found a video, this one actually. In the video a man asked me to do a quick meditation. He said to still my mind and think of nothing for three minutes.

I did it, you can try now if you like. The lesson in doing this is that you learn you have little control of your thoughts. This was a very strange thing to think of but it's true; my brain is a though machine. It's in a sense out of my control, I am out of my control.  

The Second Truth

I wanted to learn more, so I went on learning about how Buddhism could teach me about myself. I picked up a book called “How to See Yourself as You Really Are .” The book teaches many things on how to live and love.

The most powerful thing I got out of the book is that I don't exist in and of myself. This is because everything is made up of parts and relies on its parts to be its self.  This concept is called interdependency, witch I have talk about before.

Look at it like this. A latte: steamed milk, espresso, foam.  Pick what part of a latte is the latte without its' parts. One thing that can prove that this creation exits in and of its self. You can't, it relies on its parts to be its self. It's humbling to see yourself as a part, your ego shrinks, it is actually freeing.

Where I am Now

I'm learning about the illusion of ego and its destructive nature. Also emptiness and how I fit into it.  

The rabbit whole goes deeper but the post is getting long. Please ask questions so I can fill in the spots left by my brief explanations.

Anger

It seems every so often I hear someone say, when they get angry, that they just can't help what they do or say. That there actions are justified because anger is a real and powerful emotion. Not that they physically attack people; it's mostly with words or passive aggressive actions.  I think we have a wrong view on anger and how to deal with it.

First our mind tells us it's okay and we identify with the emotion. Then society or some sub-society normalizes our actions/thoughts.  Then a sense of separation directs the anger. I find that there is a general idea in our society that there is such a thing as justified anger. I'm sure you can think of an example, father avenging daughters death is a big one in Hollywood right now.

According to my understanding of Buddha's' teachings, anger is harmful to the practitioner:

 “All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” --Buddha 

 “I am angry because I think that I am angry.” When we allow anger to make decisions we become it. You stop making the choices and anger takes control.

"The origin of suffering is attachment" –Buddha

We become attached to anger and the idea that anger must be acted on. This brings suffering in the form of regret, grief, punishment and many other ways.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha 

Acting in anger never leaves you untouched. The evidence of the self destruction is clear after the fact.


How I Stop Anger

Step 1: You don't stop anger. It's a natural process, your brain is doing what it's built to do.

Real Step 1: See your anger. Notice how it affects you, body and mind.

Step 2:  Become compassionate and calm by concentrating on breathing. Compassion toward your anger helps you deal with it properly.  Say something like “I see you anger, I will care for you.”  This bypasses a build up of anger; you deal with it this way instead of acting on it.

Step 3: Do not attach yourself to the anger. You don't have to act on a though, it will pass in time.

Step 4: You have watched your anger come and go, move on with life.

That is what I do anyways. It might not be right for all but I hope it helps some.