Anger

It seems every so often I hear someone say, when they get angry, that they just can't help what they do or say. That there actions are justified because anger is a real and powerful emotion. Not that they physically attack people; it's mostly with words or passive aggressive actions.  I think we have a wrong view on anger and how to deal with it.

First our mind tells us it's okay and we identify with the emotion. Then society or some sub-society normalizes our actions/thoughts.  Then a sense of separation directs the anger. I find that there is a general idea in our society that there is such a thing as justified anger. I'm sure you can think of an example, father avenging daughters death is a big one in Hollywood right now.

According to my understanding of Buddha's' teachings, anger is harmful to the practitioner:

 “All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” --Buddha 

 “I am angry because I think that I am angry.” When we allow anger to make decisions we become it. You stop making the choices and anger takes control.

"The origin of suffering is attachment" –Buddha

We become attached to anger and the idea that anger must be acted on. This brings suffering in the form of regret, grief, punishment and many other ways.

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." - Buddha 

Acting in anger never leaves you untouched. The evidence of the self destruction is clear after the fact.


How I Stop Anger

Step 1: You don't stop anger. It's a natural process, your brain is doing what it's built to do.

Real Step 1: See your anger. Notice how it affects you, body and mind.

Step 2:  Become compassionate and calm by concentrating on breathing. Compassion toward your anger helps you deal with it properly.  Say something like “I see you anger, I will care for you.”  This bypasses a build up of anger; you deal with it this way instead of acting on it.

Step 3: Do not attach yourself to the anger. You don't have to act on a though, it will pass in time.

Step 4: You have watched your anger come and go, move on with life.

That is what I do anyways. It might not be right for all but I hope it helps some.